The main reason why I’m writing right now is because I’m fucking bored not just my present situation but the life I have now. I have taught to value one’s life because it’s an amazing gift from above but I don’t know why I think my life as inferior. Each of us has burdens and each of us has different or same ways to ease those burdens. I’m from a good family, a religious family and my parents have been teaching me many things in life. Now that I’m 28 years old, I feel like anything happens in my life, I have to face alone and yes I did and I think, I have been like this since my childhood years, I just realize it now.
I’m thinking to share a portion of my life. It’s just a portion but it plays a great role in my life and I guess throughout my life. I’m sure that I’m part of the LGBT community because I’m gay. I thought it’s an influence or because of something happened to me when I was a child, or because it’s a curse (fruit of sin, religious aspect) but I’m sure now that I was born and will die as gay person because this is who really am in this life. This is my role and I have been playing it for 28 years already. I don’t know what will happen to my role in 29 years old onwards but I guess I need to play my role as the days come and pass.
Part of the event happened in my role was when I did my coming out. Everyone has something noticed in me already because being gay is noticeable I guess but confirmation should be made if the person has confessed already. My parents and siblings have noticed me for sure, I don’t have a formal conversation with them but for sure they know because I’m vulgar with my acceptance/support to the LGBT community because of course I’m one of them. Sometimes when my father has something bad to say about being gay, I stood up to reason out for them because I feel like he is also talking to me.
I don’t know why I did my coming out to my best friend (straight married man) first, I guess it’s because he is important to me and because I have so much good memories with him. It’s a video that I sent to him and allowed him to share it with his family and the people in the house. Then, I started to be bold in social media by reasoning and fighting for my LGBT views against to those who are against to this. It happened that I’m debating with many people I am close with from the church and I took it personally. So I went out from the church but I know they have good intentions.
After my coming out, I started living as who I am and I have encountered many things especially with the relationship aspect. I have in mind that, I have to enter in a relationship same with the standard of the heterosexual people’s way .Gay relationship is labeled as game relationship. You can have relationship with anyone you like that’s why it has known to be as/ with multiple relationship. I think because there’s no standard for us to follow and I guess because of how people perceive this relationship. I have opened my eyes witnessing the bad comment and perception of gay relationship. It has been 3 years since I did my coming out and I don’t have any serious relationships but one thing for sure, I’m serious with my feelings to everyone I attached with. For now, this is the portion that I want to share for today, it’s general but my next writing is something specific with my relationship encounter. In my mind is just want to share this thing for now to ease my boredom but I’m thinking to write again more specific. BTW. just call me Jhong.
To be continued…….
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