I was in Thailand when I did
my coming out. So, I have never had any intimate relationships when I was in the
Philippines. In Thailand, there were so many first experiences I had. I had my
first boyfriend, first sex experience and first live-in partner in the Land of
Smile. After seven years of living together with my best friend, I have decided
to go to Thailand for teaching work. I had so many unforgettable moments in
this country. One of these was when I had someone living with me. His name was
Ball. Yes, we met at the church because he was one of the children
helped/supported by the church. His mother still alive but cannot fully support
with their (siblings) studies. I met him when he was 17 years old (Grade 11).
He was handsome, tall and
friendly. These first impressions were actually his personalities. Among all
the children, he got my attention first. He had taught us (with my friends)
many things in Thailand especially how to speak the language. Since he was so friendly,
I think of him as my younger brother than a crush. After couple of months, I
was close to the other children and someone got my attention. That young man
was 16 years old (Grade 10). His name was Toey (Ball’s closest friend). I liked
him so my attention was to him. I gave him extra special treatment among the
other children though I did with Ball too but lesser. I tried my best to hide
it but many times I failed. My friends had noticed it and even the other
children.
One day, my friends talked
to me about it but I denied/lied to them because I was staying at the accommodation
provided by the church. Ball had noticed my special treatment to Toey, so he
asked me about it. I told him the truth and asked him to keep it. The situation
took for many months and I was really so closed with Toey. Time came, I moved
to another province for teaching work but I visited the church often partly
because of him. I liked him so much but I never took advantage on him. With all
the special treatment I gave to him, he had helped me with lots of things in return.
I was in other province
teaching but I’m always updated with what’s going on at the church. One day, my
friend told me that Ball and his younger brother were kicked out from the
church. He did violate the rule, many of them but him and his brother were the
only kicked out because his mother still alive to take care of them. I felt
pity with him. So, I decided to help him with many things. Every time, I
visited the church, he fetched me because he was not in the church anymore and
he can do and go out anytime. For many times, he did that for me. Since, he
stayed at his school’s dorm after he was kicked out from the church, I
sometimes slept with him. Starting that time, I called Toey just sometimes
because I was with Ball. I called Ball many times and we were talking for an
hour, until two hours, and even more than that. I fell in love with him and I
told him about it. He said, it was ok for him because I’m good/kind person. He was Grade 12 that time and preparing for
his University. I told him that I might be teaching in Bangkok because I
applied a school there and since he was going to be in University so we had
decided to stay together.
He graduated in high school
and we went to Bangkok staying together. After two months of staying, I got a
teaching job but not in Bangkok though it was in nearby province. We looked for
an apartment accessible by both us. We found somewhere at the middle. I helped
him with so many things because we stayed together and his mother entrusted him
to me. There were times we had quarreled and got calls from his mother
reminding us to understand each other because we only had ourselves to lean on.
There were many quarrels we fixed and solved but since he was in University
already and had got many friends, I felt like he gave me less important. That’s
what made me sad and caused of our quarrels for many times. Until time came, he
had thrown me heavy words which I can’t accept. I told him to get out from the
room and never come back. And yes, he did that.
I knew him for a long time
and stayed with him for more than a year. I kept on thinking of him. I always
asked myself, what if I didn’t let him go. Everything between us was just memories.
After 3 months, we contacted each other and met again. We were talking about
what happened. He asked forgiveness for those words he had said to me. He didn’t
mean it and he was just controlled by his anger. He said, let’s be friends
again because when we were friends, we didn’t quarrel that much and expectations
were less. Starting that time, we chatted and shared those guys came to our
lives. We agreed to let each other see first the guy we are going to build a
relationship with and judge that guy if compatible for us.
To be continued……..
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